Missing scenes season 1 Star Trek VOY
by Kurbits
Summary: These are Tom/B'Elanna centred missing scenes for the first season of Star Trek Voyager. This story is complete.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Caretaker_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. This scene takes place after the array was destroyed but before Tom Paris officially was reinstated as lieutenant and Voyager's conn officer.

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><p>Tom Paris sauntered in to the mess hall with his best <em>I don't give a damn<em> look on his face looking for Harry. Scanning the room he found him sitting with his back towards the room, close to one of the view ports. Tom got himself a mug of coffee before heading towards the miserable looking ensign.

"Hey there," Tom said quietly when he came up to the table. "Mind if I join you?" He slid down on a chair opposite Harry without waiting for an answer. "How are you doing?" he continued.

"I've been better. I'm alive though. I had my doubts for a while when we were in those tunnels." Harry answered.

"Yeah, that was a bit too close for comfort." Tom agreed and had some of the coffee.

"I don't know what to think about all this. We're stranded on the other side of the galaxy, we have a crew of Maquis we're supposed to get along with… Please tell me it's a bad dream!" Harry looked up at Tom who took another sip from his coffee. "I didn't expect this."

"No one did, Harry," Tom said.

"I can't believe I might never talk to my parents again. Or Libby." He paused for a moment. "Don't you have anyone you'll miss?" he asked.

"No, not really. I don't have a very good relationship with my family and I can't think of anyone I can count as friend either back home. The Maquis crew is the closest thing I have as friends and you've noticed how much they love me." Tom smiled slightly and looked up as the mess hall doors swooshed open. "Speaking of the devil," he muttered when he saw B'Elanna enter the room. Harry turned to look but quickly turned his attention back to Tom. B'Elanna was not in a good mood and she made sure everyone knew it.

"She sure is upset about this situation," Harry said quietly.

"Oh, she's just her usual sunny Klingon self, that's all," Tom answered lightly.

"You know her?"

"Well, we've met. Briefly." Tom looked down at the mug in front of him when he saw B'Elanna scan the room after getting something to drink. He winced when he heard her stomp towards them.

"Starfleet," she said to Harry and put down her beverage with a thump.

"Oh, hi," Harry nervously said and glanced up at her as she stood next to the table. B'Elanna ignored him and stared at Tom who looked up pretending to be pleasantly surprised. "B'Elanna!" he called out.

"Not only did captain Janeway destroy our only chance of getting home in this lifetime, but we're also stuck with you! PataQ!"

"Nice to see you too." Tom continued to smile amiably.

"Were you Janeway's spy too? I knew you were trouble when Chakotey brought you onboard!"

"I know you will find this hard to believe, but I've spent my time since we parted in Starfleet's penal settlement in New Zealand. Not usually the place for Starfleet spies."

"There's only one reason why you're here if that's the case. You were giving Starfleet information about us!"

"Well, as a matter of fact, I didn't have much information to begin with, as I'm sure you're aware of. Janeway knew that too. However, I've been in the Badlands before and that's the reason why I was brought along. Officially not to fly this thing though. Just to _observe_." Tom was clearly getting tired of the situation. "Look, I know you hate this. Believe me, I'm not too happy about all of this myself. I wanted out of jail, but I didn't wish for this to happen. I didn't plan on getting caught, thrown in jail, pulled out again and whisked off to the Delta quadrant. Especially not with you guys."

B'Elanna crossed her arms over her chest. "The feeling is mutual," she snapped and then she threw her hands in the air. "I don't know why I'm bothering to talk to you!" Harry and Tom exchanged looks.

"Because you would eventually have to since we're all one happy family?" Tom suggested. B'Elanna snorted.

"Yeah, one big happy family. That makes you the black sheep then I guess." She took a deep breath. "If not for this forced recruitment in to Starfleet I could be reasonably okay with all of this because I don't have a loving family back home, and the friends I have are here."

"You and me both," Tom mumbled under his breath. He sighed and leaned back in his chair. "This is ridiculous B'Elanna. You can just ignore me if you want. I'm not going to go away though so you just have to get used to me hanging around."

B'Elanna glared at him but her shoulders were slumping slightly. The full extent of the situation had started to sink in and she had difficulties keeping the fire going. What was the use of being angry at Tom? He wasn't the reason they were where they were or why she now was part of a Starfleet crew. The truth was that by being thrown in to the Delta quadrant she would avoid the penal settlement Tom had spent his time in. Though she didn't want to admit it she was secretly relieved that she had escaped that fate.

"Why don't you sit down? You haven't touched the coffee yet and you look like you could use it." Tom pulled out a chair next to B'Elanna. She glanced at it, hesitated but decided to sit down.

"It's raktajino," she said.

"Well then. Even better," Tom answered and lifted his own mug to drink.

Harry cleared his throat. "What are you going to do now then?" he asked looking at Tom. "I mean, what assignment are you going to get?" he added when Tom didn't seem to understand what he was talking about.

"Well, I… don't know. The captain needs someone at the helm and I'm the best she can get. I hope she'll let me. Seems pretty dumb to not let me do what I'm doing best."

"Wouldn't that be drinking and getting in to trouble?" B'Elanna interjected with a smirk.

"Believe it or not, I'm not interested in either these days." Tom gave her a calm look before returning to nursing his coffee.

The corners of her mouth twitched. "Good. But you're still a pig." She took another sip of her raktajino.

He looked up and feigned surprise. "A pig? I'd say that's progress. Just now I was a petaQ. If this keeps up we'll be best friends within a week," he said teasingly.

"Don't hold your breath," she retorted. Tom gave her a genuine smile over the mug. She had calmed down and was talking to him. For now that was a victory as good as any.

"_*Janeway to __Mr. Paris.*"_ Tom hit his com. badge and answered, "Paris here."

"_*__Report to my ready room as soon as possible, Mr. Paris. We have a few things to discuss.*"_

"On my way." He looked over at the other two by the table. "Well, let's hope the captain has good news. See you later."

B'Elanna watched him as he briskly walked out of the room with that usual Paris confidence she remembered from the time he was part of the Maquis crew. He's a pig, she reminded herself.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Parallax_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. This scene takes place during the diagnostics process when Voyager was trapped in the singularity.

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><p>After checking his console one last time, Tom rose from his chair and went over to Harry who stood behind his station.<p>

"How about some lunch?" he said, leaning his hands on the rails below the station.

Harry glanced up at him with a concentrated look on his face and kept tapping on his console. "I'm a bit busy," he replied with a tense voice.

"Have you got those diagnostics up and running yet?" Tom walked up the steps and leaned over to take a look at Harry's station.

"Yeah, they're running. I've been checking the major subsystems…" he kept tapping demanding his systems to give him results and continued, "… but I can't find anything." He looked up at Tom. "The diagnostics on the navigational array will take a while though."

"Well, why don't we get out of here for a while and have something to eat then? It won't go any faster because you're looking at it and you should never turn down food. You never know what will happen next. Didn't Starfleet survival training teach you that?" Tom pulled back his hands and straightened.

"You think something will happen?" Harry asked looking a bit nervous.

"Not really, no. But you need to eat. You'll not do a better job if you skip meals. Besides, you have many years ahead of you to impress the captain. You're not in any hurry. Come on, let's go."

Harry nodded, gave his console one last glance and followed Tom to the turbo lift.

B'Elanna walked over to an empty table in the mess hall and sat down with her meal. Starfleet ration packs. She sighed and started stabbing the content with her fork. It wasn't just Chakotay's day that had turned in to a lousy one; hers was not exactly brilliant either. Carey was an ass. The way he had told her that she had been asked to join the meeting later with the captain and the rest of the senior staff was insulting, and he knew it. The meeting earlier with the captain hadn't exactly gone down well either. People like Carey were the reason why she had left Starfleet in the first place. Now she was stuck with Starfleet and Carey and all the other assholes on this ship, possibly for the rest of her life. The doors opened to let some more people in and she glanced over at the two men entering the mess hall. Great, she thought. The cocky newly minted conn. officer and his side kick. She stabbed at the meal in front of her.

"Look who's here," Tom said to Harry as he went over the selection of meals. Harry glanced at the people seated in the room and noticed B'Elanna resolutely eating a meal with her eyes firmly fixed on the food in front of her.

"She doesn't look too happy." Harry turned his attention to the ration packs.

"You think? I'd say she's boiling inside by the look of it." Tom picked up a pack, heated it and tossed it on a tray, picked it up, turned towards the room and started walking.

"Tom…" Harry called out quietly when he saw where Tom was heading.

"Don't worry. I just want to find out what happened down in engineering. The whole crew is gossiping about it but no one knows what's going on." He stopped and gave Harry an encouraging look. "She'll hardly bite." Harry sighed and followed Tom to the table where B'Elanna sat.

"Mind if I join you?" Tom said as he came up to the table.

"Yes!" B'Elanna snapped and glared at him. Tom smiled and sat down on a chair opposite her at the table. "We couldn't be so rude to let you sit here all alone, could we?" he continued as Harry sat down next to him.

"I'm fine with being alone," B'Elanna said stiffly and put down the fork.

"So. I hear interesting things have happened in engineering. Someone lost her temper. You wouldn't know anything about that would you?" Tom asked as he started to eat.

B'Elanna kept her eyes on the food, picked up the fork and started stabbing the food again without responding.

"It was brought up during the senior staff meeting. Chakotay thinks you should become chief engineer. The captain doesn't because something happened down there." He let the last sentence hang in the air while watching her. She gave no response. "Rumours are colourful and travel fast. I just want to know what happened," he continued.

"It's none of your business!" she burst out and looked angrily up at him.

Tom put down his fork. "B'Elanna, we're going to have to live with each other for a long time. Even if you think Carey is a jerk you'll have to work with him for many years to come. Wouldn't you rather be his chief than taking his orders?"

B'Elanna looked down at her food, started to shuffle it around and then sighed. "I guess so," she answered.

"So what happened?" Tom asked her.

"We got in to an argument and I broke his nose. I was confined to my quarters and had to apologise to him before being let out again." She was silent for a moment. "Then the captain asked to see me because Chakotay had asked her to consider me for chief engineer. She started talking about 'Starfleet protocols' and 'Starfleet methodologies' and I was again reminded why I left Starfleet. I couldn't handle it, the "protocols" and the "methodologies". I couldn't then and I can't now. I showed it quite clearly when I sent Carey to sickbay with a broken nose, didn't I?" She sighed and continued, "Anyway, to rub my nose Carey told me I'm to attend a staff meeting this afternoon, but he made clear he was the one giving the orders. I'm supposed to shut up and not speak unless spoken to."

"Has the captain appointed him as chief engineer already?" Harry asked.

"No. I'm sure I would have been told if she had by Carey himself, if that'd been the case," B'Elanna answered.

"Well then, since you're both asked to be at this meeting it means the decision isn't taken yet and that you're still in the running," Tom concluded. He put down his utensils and leaned forward on his elbows. "B'Elanna, if you can control your temper towards him, come up with some ideas how to deal with the situation we're in, show why Chakotay thinks so highly of you, you could very well be a chief engineer by the end of the day. If the captain has to choose between someone saving the day and possible future days too, and someone who is good at Starfleet protocols, she'll choose the one who saves the day. We're a long way out and we have no one to help us if we're in trouble. She needs the best she can get. You just need to show that you're the better engineer."

"I don't think Carey will let me speak though," B'Elanna said glumly.

"He has no authority to shut you up, he just likes you to think he has. You're asked to attend and that means you're supposed to speak up if you have something. Ignore him. Don't let him get to you."

B'Elanna looked up and smiled slightly. "Since when did you get so good at giving advice anyway?" she asked.

"Oh, I'm the newly appointed field medic since we only have the EMH as a doctor. I figured I could just as well try my counselling skills," Tom cheerfully retorted and picked up his fork again to continue eating. "You know I've been trouble myself. I takes one to know one, and the best advice comes from someone who knows what he's talking about."

"And that'd be you," she said.

"Exactly. You don't have to follow my advice but I think you'd have a much better time here on Voyager if you did. It's much easier to handle those protocols if I'm not on the receiving end, but rather the one keeping people in line with them. I think that goes for you too."

She smiled as response and had some more of her meal. He had a point she realised. She hadn't been able to handle Starfleet because she had been the one to obey the rules by the letter. It had annoyed her to no end that idiots were allowed to tell her what to do and how to do it, just like Carey had. It'd be better to be the one making the orders.

"So do you have any ideas about what's going on?" Harry asked her.

"Possibly. I'll have to wait until we get all the results though and can discuss them together," she answered.

"Good. And you will discuss them," Tom said pointedly.

B'Elanna smiled again. "I will." Yes, she would. She wouldn't let Carey intimidate her. She would solve this and show she could be the chief engineer.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Time and Again_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. This scene takes place while Paris and Janeway are trapped in the past and B'Elanna and Harry are trying to work out how to get them back. It was really difficult to find a missing scene in this episode but hopefully this turned out okay.

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><p>Lieutenant Tuvok and commander Chakotay left the room that the away team, or what was left of it, had gathered in after beaming back on Voyager, following the disappearance of the captain and Tom Paris. Silence fell while B'Elanna and Harry each pondered the problem.<p>

"_We're not sure yet."_ Opening a subspace fracture wasn't something anyone they knew had done before and now they had to solve it. Just like that. Find their people and bring them back.

B'Elanna looked up from her calculations. "What is it with Paris and ending up in trouble?" she said.

"Beats me." Harry kept his eyes on the padd in front of him. Find a fracture, scan it and then open it. But how?

B'Elanna slowly walked over to the screen showing the development of the subspace fractures, watching it intently. "If we don't succeed in bringing him back I know some will be pleased," she mused.

Harry looked up and turned towards her. "That's a terrible thing to say!" he responded.

"Never the less, it's true. He didn't make many friends among the Maquis. Quite the opposite actually. You Starfleet people don't seem to like him much either." She turned and looked at Harry. "Don't worry. I'm not planning on leaving him there. Or the captain. We'll get them back."

Harry couldn't dispute the fact that Tom certainly had managed to make enemies before his time on New Zealand but he was uneasy when people slandered him. He decided to change the subject. "The only good thing about this is that I got out of that date with the Delaney sisters."

B'Elanna shot Harry an annoyed look. "You had a date with _them_? Both of them?" she asked.

"Only one of them," Harry quickly said. "And I really didn't want to either but Tom talked me in to it. It was his idea to start dating."

"Tom talked you in to it. Right." She picked up the padd to continue her work. "Maybe I should just let him stay where he is," she muttered.

"What? Are you upset because he's dating?" Harry asked in disbelief.

"No. No!" She said with emphasis and turned away from Harry.

He looked curiously at her back. "Really? You sure sound upset," he said and returned to his padd.

B'Elanna threw her hands in the air. "Okay! Yes! I'm irritated! We've been here in the Delta quadrant only two months and he's already chatting up women!"

Harry looked up from his padd and frowned. "He's single and we're not going to get home any time soon, so why shouldn't he?" He had to give Tom that he at least had been logically sound when he had stated his reasons for this date, giving Harry the possibility to defend Tom with his own arguments. "Besides, I didn't think _you_ would care."

"What do you mean by that?" she demanded standing with her hands on her hips.

"You're Maquis, not Starfleet. I'd expect Tuvok to oppose to dating aboard, but not you."

"First of all, Chakotay didn't exactly encourage relationships aboard. It usually means trouble. Second… well, I've seen Paris in action before. He has obviously not changed that much," she said sourly.

"Well, it was bound to happen at some point. You can't expect him to become a monk just because he straightened out." Harry waved his padd in the air. "Shouldn't we be concentrating on finding a way to force that subspace fracture open instead of discussing who's dating who?"

"I'm capable of doing more than one thing at the same time," B'Elanna retorted looking intently at the padd in her hand.

She was a bit surprised by her reaction and quite annoyed with herself too. Harry was right. There was no reason why people shouldn't start dating. If they couldn't find another way home, a wormhole or the other Caretaker, becoming a generation ship was the only way for Voyager to get home to the Alpha quadrant. Count on Tom Paris to remind them all of the big pink elephant in the room, she thought. As usual, when she gave it some thought why she was upset, she wasn't really that upset about Tom dating. All that sputter of hers was really about _her_ and what was going to happen to _her_. Tom had managed to bring up the one thing she didn't want to think about, the fact that she was part Klingon and therefore not really spouse material for the humans aboard. She had defiantly decided she would never marry and start a family a long time ago. Definitely not start a family. Her family history didn't exactly encourage her to change her mind either. However, on a ship where people started to pair off and having children, it would soon become rather lonely being the only one not having a relationship. She chided herself for this weakness. She didn't need anyone else. B'Elanna Torres, you can stand on your own two legs, she told herself. Damn Paris for opening that can of worms!

Harry's voice made her startle and turn towards him. "Sorry, could you repeat that?" she asked, cursing herself for letting herself become distracted enough to lose focus.

"I said, could we use the polaric energy on the planet to create a ripple effect, and by doing so open a subspace fracture?" Harry repeated and handed her his padd.

B'Elanna poured over the data and looked up at him again. "Yes. We could build a polaric generator to create that effect. Get on it. I'll reprogram the tricorders to detect the fractures and put armbands together to protect us from being swallowed by them."

Harry nodded and got started. As B'Elanna started reprogramming the tricorders she started to feel uneasy. Time could be running out and there she had been wasting time with nonsense. What was she thinking! They needed to get the captain and Paris back. She pushed the distracting thoughts away and concentrated on the programming.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Phage_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. This scene takes place while the away team is down on the planet looking for dilithium. Why did everyone decide to stay on Voyager in the episode _The 37's_? Well, this scene gives an idea.

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><p>Captain Janeway watched the officers currently on the bridge, wondering who she should begin with. She had decided to take a more active part in the crew's wellbeing than she normally would. The conflict between the Maquis and her Starfleet crew was still very much alive and she felt that under these extraordinary circumstances she could and should do more to merge the two crews. Chakotay did a fine job as her second but this crew needed to know they had a captain who cared and who they could trust. She had also come to realise that Chakotay had difficulties a second in command usually wouldn't have. He tried to keep the Maquis crew calm as well as butting heads with some of the Starfleet officers who wasn't too happy about having a Maquis as their superior. He needed her support. Starting to walk the ship, talking to people, being up to date on their personal problems, setting aside time with each crewmember where they could talk about good and bad things and give the people aboard a possibility to take their thoughts directly to her; this was her solution. She was confident she could gain everyone's trust by doing this and also defuse some of the tension between the crews. Now she just needed to start.<p>

As she studied the officers around her, the interaction between Mr. Paris and Ms. Torres caught her attention. Ms Torres was at the engineering station working on the dilithium issue and Mr. Paris was idly sitting at the conn. Nothing out of the ordinary it would seem. However, Mr. Paris glanced in Ms Torres direction a bit too often for it to be a coincidence. Kathryn turned her head slightly to enable her to watch them both. She smiled inwardly as Ms. Torres threw the conn. officer a couple of sideways glances. Something was going on with these two and she was out of the loop. Knowing Ms. Torres tendency to become defensive, Kathryn decided she would talk to Mr. Paris instead and find out what was happening in their lives.

"Mr. Paris!" she called out as she stood up. "I would like to speak to you in my ready room."

As Mr. Paris turned to look up at the captain his eyebrows shot up in surprise, but he gave her a nod and started to rise. He shot a glance in Ms. Torres direction and his face changed from surprise to a discreet scowl. In the corner of her eye Kathryn noticed the smirk on Ms. Torres' face as she watched Mr. Paris walk to the ready room. Those two had a whole conversation going without uttering a word.

"Is something wrong?" Mr. Paris asked as the doors closed behind him.

Kathryn smiled widely. "Not at all Tom. Please sit down. Would you like something to drink?" she asked as she went over to the replicator to order coffee.

Tom shook his head. "No ma'am," he said and sat down. Kathryn ordered coffee and returned to the table.

"We're in an extraordinary situation. Two crews, usually at each other's throats, have to become one. On top of that we're a long way from home and our loved ones." She sat down and put the coffee cup on the table. "I have realised I can't just be the captain. I have to be a community leader, but to become one I need to get know you all. At least better than today. I just wanted to talk with you for a moment." She smiled and looked expectantly at Tom who squirmed slightly in response. Kathryn let out a short laugh. "You're not at the principle's office Tom. Come tell me, how are things for you? I know you ended up in a slightly precarious situation when we were thrown in to the Delta quadrant."

"It's okay," Tom said hesitatingly and crossed his arms over his chest.

Ah, the defensive stance, she thought. She decided to give him an opening. "I have noticed you seem to be on friendly terms with Ensign Kim." She took a sip from her coffee.

"Yeah. We spend time together. He was the only one who didn't hate me when I came aboard. Besides, someone has to look out for him," Tom smiled.

"Anyone else you've become friends with?" Kathryn asked innocently. She noticed that Tom's eyes flickered to the side a moment before answering.

"Well, we tend to run in to B'Elanna Torres a lot. Harry… Ensign Kim works with her a lot. We often talk in the mess hall," Tom said with a blank face.

"Good to hear. B'Elanna needs support from the Starfleet crew." She smiled and lifted the cup to drink.

"I'm probably not doing Ms. Torres a favour though," Tom said hesitatingly and then continued, "I didn't make a good impression on the Maquis during my time with them. That goes for the Starfleet people as well."

Kathryn put down her cup. "It will take time to change people's opinions. You'll have to see this as a first step, becoming friends with B'Elanna and Harry. You actually have a lot in common so I can see why the three of you have started to become friends."

Tom gave her a crocked smile. "Torres probably wouldn't agree that we're friends. It's true that we tend to run in to each other, and she needs someone to blow off her steam at sometimes, but she has a hard time forgiving me for my behaviour in the past."

"As I said, it takes time to win people over. Harry is obviously on your side already and I think B'Elanna is too. Should I take your words about her "blowing off steam at someone" as you being the ones she talks to when she has difficulties?"

"You could say that. Probably not just us though. She's quite close to Chakotay."

"I'm sure she considers you as friends." she smiled. "You don't share difficulties with people you don't trust."

"Well, it's pretty obvious when something's going on and I'm usually the one poking at her when she's about to rip someone's head off. I let her take it out on me and offer some thoughts sometimes. That's all."

Kathryn was pleased. Tom needed friends, and so did B'Elanna and Harry. This was a good start to her mission to weld people together and help them overcome their animosities towards each other, she thought.

"_*Chakotay to captain Janeway. __Please come to sickbay immediately.*"_

She put down the cup she had just lifted and straightened in the seat. "Janeway here. Report!"

"_*We had a medical emergency down on the planet. Neelix has lost his lungs.*"_

"Lost his lungs? I'll be right there! Janeway out." She looked at Tom as she rose to her feet. "Come with me. The doctor probably needs your help." Tom got on his feet and followed the captain as she swept out of the room. As they went over to the turbo lift Tom glanced at the engineering station only to find it empty. He pushed it aside. There were more important things to deal with right now than keeping track of B'Elanna's whereabouts.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _The Cloud_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. This scene is set some time after Tom woke Harry up to join him at Sandrine's but before Harry invited Janeway to join them.

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><p>"You should see it! It's this French bistro, all cosy and with a pool table!" Harry said.<p>

"A French bistro," B'Elanna curtly said.

"Yeah. It's really got atmosphere. I've not been to France myself but Tom says it's just like he remember it, from his time in Marseille." He smiled. "It's a bit of home. Sort of."

She sneered, "A bit of Tom's home."

"He doesn't admit it but I think he's missing home too," Harry mused. B'Elanna didn't say anything. "Well, you really should come and try it," he continued.

"Harry, I know you're trying to be nice, but I'm not really interested," she said.

"Why not? It's nothing wrong with having something distracting you."

"No, but I prefer not to have something like _that_ distracting me." She turned and faced Harry. "Look, I can guess what it's like. If it's something from Tom's past the bar is well stocked and…" B'Elanna closed her mouth and pressed her lips together.

"What?" Harry asked and crossed his arms over his chest. "I know that look," he grinned.

"Really. Since when did you become such an expert on me?" she retorted sourly and crossed her arms over her chest as well.

"When ever Tom turns on his charms you get that look, that contentious expression on your face." He kept grinning.

She glared at Harry but didn't contradict him.

"Okay so he has programmed a few people you wouldn't like. Ignore them! It's nice to see something else than this for a while. Please. For me? You can beat me at pool." He dropped his hands to his sides.

"Beat you. What makes you think I'm better at pool than you?" she asked.

"Well, let's just say that I didn't get around much before I got here." Harry blushed.

She capitulated. "If it gets too bad I could always do some re-programming," she said.

"Exactly!" he beamed and ushered B'Elanna in to the turbolift.

"I see something's up and running," she noticed as they arrived at the holodeck.

Harry had a look and smiled. "Yep. Paris 3. That's the program."

"Paris 3? Couldn't he even come up with a real name?" she asked.

"He probably hasn't come around to changing it yet, that's all. Come!" He walked through the doors and B'Elanna reluctantly followed him. She took everything in, the narrow street, the seagulls and the ocean heaving nearby and the dim lights. Voices could be heard from the building they were walking next to. Harry led the way through two doors in to what seemed to be a bar. So this is a bistro, she thought. Quite… Klingon. In a human way. She stopped when she noticed the crowd around the pool table.

"Chakotay!" she exclaimed. "What are you doing here?" She walked up to the pool table but was stopped by a man who looked like some sort of an alien.

"A woman of good breeding! I could tell immediately as you entered this room," he said with what apparently was supposed to be a French accent.

"Can it Casanova," B'Elanna rebuffed and turned her head towards the crowd again. She noticed that Chakotay and Tom were grinning. "Since when did you get all chummy with Tom Paris, Chakotay?" she continued while she gave the alien a sideways glare. To her relief he seemed to get the message and withdrew.

"I'm not chummy with him. I'm beating him," Chakotay responded.

Tom gave Chakotay a sideways glance and smirked. "Right." He strolled over to where B'Elanna was standing. "So what do you think?" he asked and turned to look at Chakotay concentrating on his next shot.

B'Elanna turned towards him and crossed her arms over her chest. "It's pretty much what I expected."

Tom gave her a quick glance and raised his eyebrows. "Oh?"

She waved one hand in the air at the surroundings. "Dark, anachronistic interior, games, women…" she turned her head towards the bar and continued, "... and a well stocked bar." She turned her head back to look at Tom and noticed a dark haired woman coming up and planting herself next to Tom, sneaking her arm around his waist. B'Elanna's eyes narrowed. He's a pig, and you know it. You shouldn't be surprised, she told herself. Don't give him the satisfaction of seeing you upset.

Tom smirked when he saw B'Elanna's reaction and turned his head towards the woman at his side. "This is Ricky." He turned back to B'Elanna. "Ricky, meet B'Elanna."

"It's always a pleasure to meet Tommy's friends," Ricky drawled aiming her bedroom eyes at B'Elanna.

"I'm sure it is," B'Elanna retorted with a clipped voice. She left Tom and his company and went over to stand next to Chakotay. Harry came over with a cue and handed it to her. Chakotay peeked up at her as he was leaning over the table.

"Want to take a shot?" he asked.

"Now?" she asked.

"You can have my shot." He stood up and turned towards Tom. "I'm sure you don't mind B'Elanna having a try at this," he said.

Tom's eyebrows shot up and then he smiled. "Not at all," he replied. If Chakotay wanted to lose, that was his problem.

B'Elanna threw Tom a glance he couldn't interpret as she leaned over and took aim. She smirked when she pocketed two balls, and started to walk around the table for a new shot. She dared a glance at Tom who now looked quite serious. Another two balls was pocketed. One more and then the 8 ball. Should she make a show out of it? She decided she would. The balls were lined up in a way which would allow her to pocket both with one shot. She drew a couple of calming breaths and took aim for this last shot. The cue ball hit the last ball, changed direction and hit the 8 ball. Both balls were pocketed in the right order. B'Elanna looked up at Tom with a small smile on her face. Tom shook his head and looked at Chakotay.

"You knew she would whip my ass," he said sourly.

Chakotay laughed. "Yes I did. Another game?" he asked.

Tom nodded. "A re-match!" he said and turned to Harry. "Arm yourself. You need to practise."

"What for?" Harry asked as he went over to pick up a cue.

"We're going to be here a long while. I plan on beating those two eventually. With your help." A smirk spread over Tom's face as he straightened and looked over at B'Elanna who raised her chin and curved one corner of her mouth. In your dreams, she thought.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Eye of the Needle_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. This scene takes place in the wee morning hours after establishing contact with the Romulan captain.

* * *

><p>The doors to engineering opened and let Tom through. It was quiet, as it usually was at this hour when it wasn't quite night but not yet morning either. The warp reactor gave a slight humming sound and he stood watching and listening for a moment. It was certainly a beauty – but also a beast. As he stood there he could hear voices drift through the silence from time to time from a station not in view. He steered his footsteps towards the voices and entered an alcove where B'Elanna and Harry was working. Every now and then they would let the other know when they had useful data or a problem. They spoke softly, as if the night would get offended if they raised their voices. Harry looked up as he heard the sound of footsteps approaching.<p>

"Hey. Why are you up?" he asked Tom, looking a bit surprised.

"I tried to get some sleep but I kept tossing and turning so I decided it wasn't worth the effort so I got up again," he said and leaned against the wall. "How are you doing? I take you haven't slept either," he continued.

"No. We've been working on establishing a visual link. We'll be ready to try it when the captain gets up." Harry looked tired but pleased.

Tom glanced at B'Elanna who was doing her best to keep her back towards Tom so she wouldn't invite a conversation. He sighed. B'Elanna was annoyed with him and he knew it. She was always forthright when she didn't like something. The Chez Sandrine program hadn't gone down well with her, or rather, some of the characters in it hadn't. She had softened somewhat towards him for a while but at the moment he was disfavoured.

"Have you written any message yet?" Tom asked.

Harry looked up and smiled briefly. "I have. It's so difficult to write something short yet heartfelt though. What about you?"

Tom glanced away. "No. I'm not so sure I will."

"Why not?" There was a moment of silence. Harry continued, "Right. Both my friends have family issues."

Tom threw a look at B'Elanna's back. Her shoulders had stiffened. Harry and B'Elanna had clearly discussed this earlier. Tom knew she was a private person and she probably didn't like it when Harry hinted something personal about her to someone else.

"Well, ending up in prison can have that effect," he said softly. He hesitated but decided to continue. "It started earlier than that though. I've had a complicated relationship with my family for a long time. Some time before I joined the Maquis I stopped talking to them." He gazed at a point on the wall above B'Elanna's head. "I don't think dad would even open it if I sent him a message."

The atmosphere had shifted. B'Elanna turned slightly and glanced at Tom as he stared at the wall, clearly lost in a reverie. Harry kept his eyes on his work, feeling awkward about the situation.

"What happened?" B'Elanna asked.

Tom lowered his gaze and met her eyes for a moment before looking down at the floor. "I couldn't meet the admiral's standard. I was a disappointment. As simple as that," he said with an even voice which didn't reveal anything.

B'Elanna turned her eyes away from him. "Just like my mother," she said as if she was thinking out loud.

Tom looked up at her. "What happened?" he asked.

B'Elanna bristled. "There wasn't just one reason. They were many and they all had to do with me being too human. She didn't think I was honouring my Klingon heritage. I haven't talked to her since I left for the academy."

"I'm sorry," Tom said. B'Elanna's face darkened and she turned towards the work station.

"Don't worry about it. I'm used to it," she responded stiffly.

"I'm sure you are, but that doesn't mean it's easy," he responded. B'Elanna didn't answer.

Harry glanced in her direction and then he swivelled around and leaned back in his chair so he could talk more easily to both his friends. "You know, to me it looks like you've decided what your parents will do. It's cut in stone. But what if you're wrong?" He turned his head and looked at Tom. "By now your dad will know Voyager never returned from the Badlands, that we disappeared in the same way as the Maquis did. You'd be surprised what the prospects of someone possibly being dead can do to people and their behaviour." He turned his head and looked at B'Elanna. "It's possible that your mother knows you're missing too." Neither Tom nor B'Elanna said anything. "Just… give it some thought. We may not get this kind of a chance in a long while, if ever. Just think about it." The warp reactor hummed in the silence.

B'Elanna swivelled her chair so she faced Harry and Tom. "I'm finished for now. How about you?" she asked Harry.

"I'm all set," he responded.

"Well then, how about some breakfast? I'm thinking about using my rations to replicate some real coffee. I feel like I could use it." Tom said.

Harry nodded and rose from his seat and started to leave. When he noticed B'Elanna didn't move he stopped and looked at her.

"Come on B'Elanna. You need to eat too," he said. "You'll not do a good job if you start skipping meals."

B'Elanna noticed a flicker of amusement pass over Tom's face at those words. She rose from her chair. "Do you think Neelix is awake yet?" she asked.

"Let's hope not! I can't take 'interesting' food this early in the day!" Tom said and started walking. Harry and B'Elanna smiled at each other and followed him.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Ex Post Facto_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. This scene takes place after Tom Paris has returned to Voyager and is kept in sickbay. I struggled with this because I don't think it's written well and these events are not dealt with in later episodes. Paris is breaching first contact protocols (and he does it in such a determined way that Kirk would be proud of him) but aside from a footnote in the shuttle pod with Kim, nothing is really said about it. Here's a man who has been despised by most people in Starfleet and the Maquis and he gets away with something like this without real consequences. Well, I say you can't without a very good explanation and Janeway couldn't just let this slide either. This is also something of a set up for the episode _Faces_, explaining why B'Elanna would confide in Tom the way she did.

* * *

><p>You really did it this time, Tom thought and stared at the boring ceiling. Oh how he regretted this. Yeah, you're an intelligent guy but you can't resist showing everyone what an unreliable failure you are! He squeezed his eyes shut. With some minor hiccups, he had made progress. He had shown he was as good as he claimed at the conn. and he had started making friends. Now that was all in jeopardy, if not gone already.<p>

He was ashamed. It had been humiliating to face the captain, talking about what had happened. He knew she couldn't understand what was going on inside of him. The murder aside, which he couldn't remember committing, his involvement with Lidell was showing his lack of judgement.

The sickbay doors opened and Tom looked over and watched Harry enter. He stopped just inside the doors and looked over at Tom before heading over.

It was clear Harry was having difficulties handling the situation. His friend was accused of murder and though it seemed totally out of character the evidence was compelling. Even if he was innocent, which Harry believed, Tom had breached first contact protocols. He hadn't made a slight error, he had broken them with a determination that was almost impressive, if it wasn't for the fact that Tom was a senior officer, and a senior officer who couldn't afford such adolescent behaviour. Harry was deeply disappointed in Tom. He had been a good friend so far, something of an older brother. Harry thought highly of Tom despite his past, but now his idolised image of the older man had a dent.

"How are you doing?" Harry asked hesitatingly.

"I've had better days," Tom replied with a grimace.

After some awkward silence Harry continued. "B'Elanna says hello." It was technically true though she had worded it, "Tell that idiot that he's _batlhHa'_¹!".

"Yeah right." Tom laughed at the thought. B'Elanna never neglected to tell him when he was a pig and this was as piggy as it got. It wasn't hard for Tom to imagine what the conversation between Harry and B'Elanna had been like. "Am I back to being a petaQ again?" he asked.

"She might have used some colourful Klingon vocabulary when I think about it." Harry gave Tom a slight smile.

Tom laughed again. "I deserve it," he said and shook his head.

"I'll tell her you said that," Harry said with a wider smile.

"She won't believe you when you tell her I said that." Tom grimaced.

"Well, why don't you tell her then? Perhaps you can convince her," Harry said lightly.

"As if she would ever speak to me again!" Tom snorted.

"She will have to, you know," Harry reminded him.

"Yeah, to talk about ship's business, but I'm pretty sure she won't give me a chance to talk about anything else," Tom sulked.

Harry gave Tom a long look. Though B'Elanna clearly disapproved of what had happened she wasn't as angry as Tom liked to think. She didn't believe he had been the murderer, and thought she had called him _lutlh lo'laH ghargh_², she would come around. It wasn't like her heart was on the line here after all. Tom somehow always managed to get her attention but it seemed like there was little point in reminding him about it right now. Let him wallow in it for a while, Harry thought. Maybe he'd stop putting himself in stupid situations if he decided the price was too high. Harry had seen the look in Tom's eyes, but he couldn't understand how Tom could let that rule him. He'd had encouragement, but it was still his choice and he could have turned away from it. Coming to think about it, it was the oldest mugging trick in the book, luring someone in to an intimate situation, drug the gullible idiot and mug or frame him. Tom had fallen for it, hook, line and sinker. He needed to deal with his poor decision and Harry was going to let him. He wouldn't be a very good friend if he didn't.

=/\= =/\= =/\=

Tom woke up from a light slumber with the distinct feeling of being watched. He almost fell off the bench when he caught the stern look B'Elanna favoured him with as she was standing at the foot of the bench. Clumsily he saved himself and sat up and opened his mouth to speak. B'Elanna cut him off.

"You have one good advocate in Harry, Paris." She held her head in the way she always did when she was annoyed and defiant. She continued, "Tom, why did you do this? I'm not talking about the murder because I don't believe you did what they say, but why did you throw yourself in to that situation? I mean, you are a pig, but I don't get why you did this." She crossed her arms over her chest.

Tom looked down. Both he and B'Elanna missed the sickbay doors opening letting captain Janeway through. She stopped just inside the doors when she saw Tom and B'Elanna involved in a conversation. The captain decided to stay where she was and pretend she wasn't listening, letting them end the conversation.

"I don't know what to say without sounding like I'm whining, or defending what I did… I knew full well what I was doing, but it was like I was standing next to myself watching with some sort of a twisted fascination how I went down. Yeah, I was bored when Harry and Tolen lost themselves in their work, but being bored don't excuse what I got myself in to." He paused for a moment. "I had problems to live up to some people's expectations around here and being a Good Guy… or at least a somewhat better guy. I used to be just… you know, young and thoughtless but not really looking for trouble. Then I… messed up and got my fears of not being good enough confirmed. Since then I've kept proving to myself that I'm a failure. I can fly or drive any machine you put me in, but though that's what I do best, it's still not good enough." Tom paused again and looked down at his hands. "I'm torn, B'Elanna. I want to do well, be friends with people and create a life here, but I really screwed up at one point. I could end up doing it again. Of course I don't want to, but deep down I'm terrified I'll miss something, mess up again and kill someone…" Tom sighed and his shoulders slumped. "I went down there and proved yet again that Tom Paris is unreliable and that you can't trust him. I killed people once because they trusted me. That trust cost them their lives so I can't have people trusting me. I regret what I did down on the planet and the trouble I got myself and Voyager in to, but it's not helping much. It's not like I can go back and change things." Tom came to a halt and looked up at B'Elanna.

Silence dragged on and they just looked at each other. This was not what she had expected. Had Tom told Harry? Harry hadn't said anything about it but that could be because he wanted her to hear it from the source. She was irked because this hit a bit too close to home. It takes one to know one, Tom had said once. She didn't quite want to admit she had been looking for trouble after leaving Kessik IV but she had put herself in its way. She also recognised feeling inadequate and the underlying fear she always ignored. B'Elanna had not yet been responsible for anyone's death though.

"We have some demons to fight," she finally said with a low voice.

"Yeah," Tom agreed and looked down again. From what he had figured out about her past he had hoped she'd listen and understand. It seemed like he had been right.

Captain Janeway drew a breath. Eavesdropping had given her an insight which would help her with the decision she needed to take concerning Tom's behaviour. He had breached protocols and she couldn't let that slide, but she also wanted Tom to break old habits. She needed him to face his issues because she couldn't allow the best conn. officer she'd ever worked with to lose his nerve because of ghosts in his past. They didn't have a councelor on Voyager but with some joint efforts from the doctor and Kes perhaps Tom could deal with this. First they needed to prove his innocence though. She cleared her throat to announce her presence and headed towards the two lieutenants.

* * *

><p>¹ Without honour<p>

² Primitive worthless worm


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Emanations_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. This scene takes place while Voyager is looking for the lost Harry Kim. At one point, when the mysterious resurrected woman is sedated, Chakotay is at the helm. Someone has gone to lunch, and he has company.

* * *

><p>"A penny for your thoughts."<p>

B'Elanna jumped and looked up. "What?" she blurted.

"What are you thinking about?" Tom asked and sat down with his tray on the other side of the table opposite her.

B'Elanna looked down at her tray, leaned on her left arm and started pushing around the food with her fork. "Uh, nothing. I mean, nothing interesting," she said.

Tom briefly stopped what he was doing and looked at her. Her body language screamed at him that she had been thinking about something she was uncomfortable with. "Huh. Nothing," he said and started eating.

"Yes, nothing," she replied with determination. Silence dragged on. He noticed that B'Elanna threw him a glance every now and then between eating and pushing her food around. He put down his fork, pushed the tray away from him, leaned on his elbows and caught her eye.

"This is ridiculous. I know something's bothering you. Something about that deer caught in headlights look you've got tells me you were thinking about something important."

She leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest and looked down at the table. "I'm… just uncomfortable with what's happening. Dead people showing up everywhere." She kept her eyes on the table.

Tom pursed his lips and tilted his head. "I'd say very few people are entirely comfortable with death." B'Elanna didn't respond. Tom continued, "B'Elanna, what is it?" he asked softly.

She hesitated slightly and looked up. "I… when we were down on that asteroid, Chakotay was talking about what you can conclude about a culture from the dead, the way they are buried. He asked me what those bodies told me. I really didn't want to talk about it so I said something about how I couldn't say much since there weren't any inscriptions or artefacts or anything, just dead bodies." B'Elanna's voice trailed off.

Tom reached out and picked up the glass of water he had on the tray and took a sip. He wasn't surprised. He had heard the conversation between the away team and the captain and he also knew a thing or two about Chakotay's spirituality. So what in all that had made B'Elanna so uncomfortable? He put down the glass in front of him. "Something in that conversation didn't sit well with you," Tom mused out loud.

B'Elanna nodded. "Tom I…" She stopped herself for a moment and then she opened her mouth again and continued, "I was brought up with the Klingon idea of Sto-vo-kor or Gre'thor awaiting me after death." Her eyes flickered to the side and back. "I don't really believe in it. First of all I'm only half Klingon and second… who knows what happens? Once you're dead I mean. And I'm human… Well half human." Again she stopped. "And if there's such a thing as an afterlife I'd end up in Gre'thor anyway," she muttered.

"Gre'thor. Without honour," Tom said. He didn't claim to know all the fine details of Klingon traditions and beliefs, but he did know about Klingon honour.

B'Elanna didn't really know where to look. Her eyes darted around trying to avoiding Tom's steady gaze. She drew a breath and looked down. "Yes." She jerked up her head and met his eyes. "I haven't exactly been honourable, you know. All my life I have been told I don't honour my Klingon heritage. I'm weak. I'm too human. Therefore I have no honour."

Tom kept looking calmly at her. She was definitely a lot more Klingon than she wanted to admit, he thought. Though she claimed to not really believe in the Klingon afterlife it was obvious it bothered her quite a bit that she had no honour. Or at least had been told she had none.

"Having no honour bothers you because…?" he asked.

B'Elanna's eyes darted away again. "I'm pretty sure you wouldn't like to be told you had no honour either," she said.

"True, but to me that's just a person's opinion. It means more if someone I care about says it, but my life doesn't depend on it. And I can always better myself, try and regain my honour," he said gently. B'Elanna stared at the table again. Tom continued, "If you've lost your honour it must be possible to regain it, right?"

She shrugged. "It's possible."

Tom nodded. "From where I sit it looks like this is pretty important to you B'Elanna. You may say that you really don't believe in the Klingon afterlife, but you're bothered by the idea that you lack honour." He watched her hands fidget. "Afterlife aside, it's important to find a way for you to combine your Klingon side with the human one. It's pretty clear you struggle with both, but the struggle with the Klingon side of yours is the more obvious, which if you think about it isn't that strange." He paused for a moment and picked up the glass again to drink. B'Elanna kept her eyes on the table. "The problem is that you have to figure out this by yourself. Even if we were in the Alpha quadrant you'd have to find that balance all by yourself. Figuring out who you want to be is tough. I think I have a clue now, but it has taken some time, and I'm 100% human."

"I have been struggling with this all my life!" she burst out. "It's not like I haven't tried to find some… balance. I just can't do it!"

"So things are just as bad as when you were a kid?" he asked.

She glanced away and hesitated. "Well… no. Yes… I don't know," she said almost desperately. "I just don't know how to do this, how to find some sort of balance. It's so difficult. Sometimes I get so fed up with that Klingon stuff I just want to ignore it all. I wish I could. No matter how much I try it comes seeping back. It's so frustrating!"

He put down the glass and leaned forward. "Hey," he said. "Look at me," he continued. B'Elanna slowly complied and Tom gave her a small smile. "Even if you need to do the hard work yourself you can always turn to friends. We're here. It's good to have some perspective on things sometimes."

"We don't know if Harry comes back," she said quietly.

Tom looked down briefly while he regained control over his features. "Nah, he went to the land of the living. We'll find him. Somehow." He smiled reassuringly. As he reached for his tray he said, "It could be a good idea to talk about what being Klingon and human means to you. Figuring that out would go a long way to find ways to combine the two."

B'Elanna threw him a glance. "I'll think about it." She rose from her chair. "I need to get back to engineering," she said and picked up her tray.

Tom nodded and she turned to leave. "We will find him," he said with confidence. She stopped in her tracks for a moment, half turned towards him and nodded and then she continued to walk.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Prime Factors_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. B'Elanna and Tom are conflicted about the opportunity to go home.

* * *

><p>B'Elanna walked through the doors to her quarters. She halted just inside and then she walked up to the viewport and looked out through it. A myriad of stars gleamed out there as she stared out in to space. Her mind raced, tried to find flaws in the technical calculations they've made. Until they had the technology in their hands, it was impossible to know if it would work. What if they couldn't make it work? And what if they would have to sneak down to the planet to get hold of it because the captain couldn't obtain it from the officials? If they had to do that and it turned out it didn't work, they would have a lot to explain. If there was one thing she knew about the captain, it was that she was <em>Starfleet<em> with all its trimmings. There would be repercussions. Severe ones.

Suddenly B'Elanna realised that Seska's dream of getting home to keep their promise could very well end with imprisonment. Even if they had started to integrate in to the Starfleet crew, Starfleet back home didn't see them as part of a Starfleet crew. To them they were still Maquis. If they arrived home tomorrow on Voyager, they'd be imprisoned unless they couldn't escape. Or seize Voyager. She got almost desperate by that thought. Seizing Voyager would mean they'd possibly have to injure people she had come to look at as friends. And what if they didn't succeed in either escaping or seizing Voyager? She turned away from the stars looking at the dark room. Seska clearly saw herself as Maquis first and foremost. What did she think herself? Her mind went blank. She did not know. Out here things weren't as easy as in the Alpha quadrant. Back home she knew where she belonged, but out here… she had no cause to fight for. She only had to survive and she did that best with the people aboard Voyager. All of them.

She smiled when she thought about Harry. They worked so well together. She'd miss him a lot if they suddenly found themselves back home and they threw themselves back in the fight against the Cardassians. She unzipped the jacket and threw it on the couch.

"Computer, lights, 50%," she said and kicked off her shoes, sat down on the couch and leaned back. Did she really want to go back home? She was aware that Seska believed they had a promise to fulfil. Did she believe that too? Yes, of course she did, she decided. She sighed. We don't have a plan. We're only throwing ourselves in to this, she thought. They should secretly talk to all the Maquis to let them know what they planned so they could be prepared to act once they were back in Federation space. Problem was that their old captain was captain Janeway's second. What if he decided this was all wrong and told Janeway about their plans? She realised she didn't trust Chakotay in this.

She turned around on the couch and gazed out through the viewport again. A surge of complicated emotions went through her. She had found a place on Voyager and was quite content with that. She wasn't unhappy about being here. Reluctantly she admitted that the Delta quadrant had meant she could leave a lot behind. Not just a family she didn't have any contact with. Unbidden Tom Paris entered her mind. How odd that she'd find herself understanding and even befriending him. He isn't going to revolt against the captains decisions, she thought sourly. Right now he was acting the good boy. On the other hand she was pretty sure he suspected something was up, but he seemed to ignore it. She didn't think he would talk to the captain. But what if he had? He had left with Harry after all. It was true his shift was over, but walking Harry part of the way basically meant only to the turbolift, since he would be going down while Harry would be going up.

"Computer, locate Lieutenant Paris," she asked.

"Lieutenant Paris is on level 6, holodeck 2," the computer answered.

So he hadn't gone to his quarters to sleep; he was at Sandrine's. She sat up, put on her shoes, got on her feet and picked up her jacket and left the room.

=/\= =/\= =/\=

She saw him immediately when she came in through the doors, sitting at a table far away from the pool table. Ricky and the Casanova were nowhere to be seen, which pleased her. No one else from the crew was here either. Planet pleasure had lured them all away and it suited her that no one could eavesdrop.

"Weren't you heading for your bead last time we talked?" B'Elanna asked as she sat down by the table where he was sitting.

"I had things on my mind," he said without looking up.

Madame Sandrine came up to the table with a smile. "Ma chéri, what would you like to drink?" she asked.

"I'm fine thank you. I was just checking on Tom, that's all," B'Elanna answered a bit stiffly.

"Ah, Monsieur Paris have been unusually quiet this evening. The good company of a pretty lady would do him well!" Madame smiled even more widely and walked back to the bar. B'Elanna pressed her lips together.

"Don't mind her," Tom said. "She's just being nice." He looked up at B'Elanna. "Why aren't you down in engineering working on how to get us home?"

"Did you talk to the captain?" B'Elanna asked in return.

"No. And I'm not going to." He paused and lifted the glass he had in front of him to drink. "You know, anyone who has been around you and Seska lately can tell what's going on," he said, leaned back in his chair and looked at B'Elanna. She definitely looked uncomfortable.

"Why didn't you tell her?" she asked.

He held up the glass and looked at it. "I have a penal settlement in New Zealand to look forward to if we get back. That alone is enough for me to not want you to succeed. However, I'd be very selfish if I sabotaged what you hope to do. Everyone here have families. Some have children." He sighed and put down the glass on the table. "I'm not going to say or do anything because I'm not that selfish."

"If we can do this the Maquis crew won't stay here on Voyager once we're back in the Alpha quadrant." She gave Tom a crooked smile. "You'd get company in that penal settlement if we did." B'Elanna hesitated. "You could join us again," she offered.

Tom let out a short laugh and buried his face in his hands. "B'Elanna, I was very pleased when I realised I could start over out here. I honestly didn't know what I'd do with myself back home. Once I got out of prison that is. Here I have a purpose. And most important of all, I got away from my less than stellar past. I didn't need to make choices based on old conflicts and mistakes. I understand you're giving me an opportunity to run, but how can I get you to understand just how horrifying that opportunity is to me? I'd love to be free! And what a hell I would bring on myself. Sooner or later either death or Starfleet would catch up and neither prospect is…appealing."

He looked up and gave her a haggard look and B'Elanna felt that brew of complicated feelings well up again. Yes, she understood him perfectly.

"Tom, I'm torn on this too. I… It's complicated. I have made a promise but… I have a home here. A life a lot less complicated than before. But I made a promise. And when I look at Carey I remember that he has two boys and Seska… she has a family, a brother. They want to come home." She sighed.

Tom looked intently at her. "If we get back… ask me again, will you?" he asked.

She nodded. "I will." They were quiet for a while.

"Want to shoot some?" Tom asked. B'Elanna laughed.

"It's not like I'll be able to sleep tonight and I guess you won't either," he said. "Come on. I know you can't resist beating me." He got on his feet and went over to the pool table and picked up two cues and held out one towards her with a smug smile.

"If you really want to lose…" she said with a small challenging smile and rose to walk over to the pool table.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _State of Flux_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. I always thought the Maquis must have realised what a Cardassian spy among them could mean for their friends back home. They knew, but couldn't do anything about it.

* * *

><p>B'Elanna was curled up on the couch in her quarters. The only light in the room was the stars streaming past. She didn't notice though because she was in deep thought.<p>

It was incomprehensible. She wanted to explain everything that was odd with Seska with the fact that she had been a Cardassian spy, but she couldn't. Yes, she had been a spy, but a spy that well hidden, for so long, shows her own colours. She'd have to, or she wouldn't have been believable. In a twisted way the Seska she had known was still the Seska she knew today who had gone over to the Kazon.

She sighed. Seska siding with the Kazon was another thing she had difficulties with. Why? Seska belonged in the Alpha quadrant as much as she did, and even though she might not have that brother she'd been talking about a week ago, going home had to have an appeal to Seska as well. Though they hadn't been able to make the jump back home yet, the chances that they would find a way somehow, were there. The Kazon didn't have the interest or the technology. Seska would be a Cardassian stuck 70 000 light years from home. Why would she make the decision to leave Voyager and condemn herself to living the rest of her life here? To B'Elanna it didn't make sense.

Her train of thoughts led to the damage Seska could have done. She had been well placed. Chakotay was one of the best the Maquis had and consequently he knew a lot about their plans, the hiding places and their routines. Seska had come very close to him. Though B'Elanna was sure he hadn't been telling Seska everything, he really didn't have to. Seska had been in a position to find out for herself, everything that Chakotay didn't tell her. B'Elanna went cold. They had revealed a spy but couldn't do anything about it. People could die back home because of her. If B'Elanna had been 100% human she would have cried. As it was she couldn't bring herself to do that but the despair clawed inside of her. She closed her eyes. In that moment she heard the door signal. Her eyes snapped open.

"Come in," she said with a weak voice. Immediately as she said it she regretted letting anyone in. She was not in the mood for company. The door opened and Tom stepped through.

"Hey," he said kindly.

"Hi," she responded quietly.

Tom slowly walked through the room, picking up a tunic B'Elanna had discarded at some point on the floor, folded it neatly and put it on the armrest of the couch.

"How are you doing?" he asked as he stood next to the couch. She glanced sideways at him busying her hands with the blanket she had in her lap.

"I'm angry," she stated and looked down on her hands which she barely saw in the darkness. Tom only nodded. After a moment of hesitation he sat down and leaned his elbows on his knees.

"No one saw it coming," he said out in to the darkness.

"Perhaps we should have," she responded and her despair trickled through in her voice.

Tom turned and gave her a thoughtful look. He had expected B'Elanna to take this hard and be angry. Despair didn't seem like B'Elanna. What was it that he had missed? She didn't look like she was going to volunteer any answers though.

"B'Elanna, I can tell there's something more than just anger," he said softly. She reacted by looking away from him.

"I'd rather not talk about it," she replied. He could hear that she tried to sound dismissive.

Tom sighed. Of all the minefields in this universe B'Elanna had to be the most difficult to navigate.

"I just stopped by to see how you were doing, that's all," he said resigning a little.

"I'm fine." She still looked away from him. Something about the way she was sitting made her look vulnerable and he had to fight the urge to scoot over and give her a hug. This was probably not the best of times for something like that. Her Klingon side wouldn't take it well and he'd probably end up in sickbay with a black eye – or a broken nose, like Carey.

"People care about you," he continued. B'Elanna didn't respond. "_I_ care about you. I just wanted to let you know that we're here."

Her shoulders slumped slightly and she slowly turned her head and glanced his way. "I'm going to be fine," she started. After a moment of hesitation she changed her position slightly and looked steadily at him. "Seska has been with us a long time. She must have reported everything…," her voice trailed off. She drew a deep breath and continued, "She blew her cover but we can't do anything about it. We can't call back home and warn people. I get this horrible feeling that the Cardassians were only playing with us, letting their spy, or spies, find out everything about us. If Seska knew what I know… It's just a matter of time."

"Don't jump in to conclusions," Tom said. "You don't know if she had the possibility to report everything. Or even if she managed to report anything at all."

B'Elanna laughed bitterly. "Oh she had possibilities. I know she had. And I'm sure she didn't sit around doing nothing. Her latest trick, siding with the Kazon, is a dead give away that she takes chances when she can. I know she's like that. We were friends. I know her character."

"It's still not a given thing that her reports will lead anywhere. There are plenty of examples of spies reporting important things only to not be taken seriously. We simply don't know what's going on back home and we can't foresee it either." He paused. "She can't do any more harm," he reminded her. B'Elanna looked down again.

"She can to us," she said.

"And we'll handle it. As you said, we know her. That's her disadvantage." Tom smiled in the darkness. "It'll be okay," he reassured her.

B'Elanna looked up as Tom rose from the couch. "I'm off to bed now," he said. "See you in the morning?" She noticed he had made it in to a question.

"Yeah," she answered hesitatingly. She watched him smile his trademark Paris smile, turn and leave. For a moment she looked at the door and then she turned her head to look out at the stars. Home had never seemed so far away.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Heroes and Demons_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. Harry's molecules were scrambled there for a while and he feels the need to reconnect with his friends. This is a bit of heroes and demons on a personal level. Grendel is still alive and kicking after this though and will not be slain until season four.

* * *

><p>Harry stopped just inside the doors to engineering looking around as if he was looking for someone. His face lit up and he started walking, heading for a busy dark haired woman at the far end of the room.<p>

"Hey, B'Elanna!" he called out. She half turned around to look at him for a moment and then turned back to what she was doing.

"Hey, Starfleet," she responded. Harry planted himself by her side, crossed his arms over his chest and smiled.

"The next time you're going to have a look at some photonic activity you might want to close the holodeck programs first."

"I'll keep that in mind," B'Elanna said without looking at him. A smile crept over her face. "It's good to have you back," she continued and glanced in his direction.

"It's good to _be_ back," Harry said releasing his arms and putting his hands on his hips. "I was just stopping by to say thanks."

"For having you turned in to energy?" she asked teasingly.

Harry chuckled. "It was _interesting_," he said.

B'Elanna smiled widely and looked up at him. "Interesting, like Neelix cooking?" She turned slightly and leaned slightly on her work station. Harry laughed.

"You could say that. No really, it was interesting. It's difficult to explain. I wasn't quite conscious but I knew I wasn't my usual self. I was aware of time though. Strange." He grew serious.

B'Elanna watched him for a moment. "Tom was worried about you," she said softly. It brought the smile back on Harry's face.

"I heard he was the one coming up with the idea to have Doc investigating what happened on the holodeck."

"He has bright moments every now and then." B'Elanna admitted.

"Really? I remember a time when you called him a pig," Harry said and leaned forward slightly.

"He _is_ a pig. I never said he was a stupid pig," she replied glancing at the console. Her cheer was gone.

"Huh." Harry had seen enough defensive manoeuvres from B'Elanna to know when she was becoming uncomfortable.

"Don't 'huh' me Starfleet," she said and turned towards the console and started tapping in commands again.

"There's nothing wrong with giving Tom a bit of praise," he pointed out.

"I did admit it," she said crisply.

"But you have to keep calling him a pig." Harry was getting amused.

"He is still a pig even if he comes up with intelligent solutions." B'Elanna kept tapping on the console avoiding looking up.

"You're just worried people would think you actually like Tom. Guess what? I know you do." Harry looked smug.

"No, I don't care what anyone thinks. It's no big secret we… sometimes spend time together. On occasion. I do that with several other people here on Voyager, including you. I like all of you. I don't spend time with people I don't like."

"But you keep calling him a pig," Harry reminded her.

B'Elanna paused what she was doing for a moment. "He is a pig." She looked up at him. "It's a fact."

"Really. I haven't seen him being very much of a pig around you, so why do you keep saying he is?" B'Elanna opened her mouth to answer but couldn't find the right thing to say.

"I say you repeat it because you simply want to remind yourself that you shouldn't grow too fond of him." Harry again crossed his arms over his chest and looked pleased with himself. B'Elanna glared at him but didn't say anything. "So why is it wrong to become fond of Tom?" he asked.

"It's not wrong," she replied and turned back tapping a bit too hard on the console. "I just don't want to discuss Paris with you, or anyone else for that matter. You misunderstand it all. I don't need to remind myself to not grow fond of him because he's not that important to me." She suddenly turned towards Harry. "I think Paris is… okay. For the most part he behaves well and we work well together. I know he cares about people and those are all things I like about him. However, I have seen other sides of him up close Harry. And you did on the Banean home world." She waved with one hand in the air. "Oh, he can be charming and deal with everything using that trademark Paris smile – but he has great difficulties with responsibility." She looked away. "I've had enough of people walking all over me and I'm definitely not going to let Tom Paris do it."

"Don't you think you're taking things a bit too seriously?" Harry asked with a frown. "I understand that some people have behaved badly towards you in the past, but not everyone is like that. And I know Tom would feel rotten if he hurt you."

B'Elanna looked up at him with a smirk. "Starfleet, you don't know anything. Especially not when it comes to hurt."

Harry felt like he kept hitting a wall when discussing this. B'Elanna was right when she said he didn't know anything about hurt. Not the kind of hurt she was talking about. However, he definitely felt she made mountains out of molehills. Maybe it was because of Seska, he mused. No it wasn't because of Seska, he decided. She always got defensive when he pushed her when they talked about Tom. She kept referring to her previous acquaintance with Tom, and it was true that he hadn't been on his best behaviour back then, but he had mostly been out looking for a fight. Sometimes Harry wondered if Tom had taken the opportunity back then to pick fights with B'Elanna when he had the chance, something which could explain why she was reluctant to trust his change. However, she had pointed out that she didn't socialise with people she didn't like, so she liked Tom. Perhaps not all of him, but enough to have some sort of friendship. He had figured out that they sometimes talked, just the two of them. A couple of weeks ago when he had been looking for Tom he had located him on holodeck two with B'Elanna. Something about that, late, around midnight, only the two of them, had stopped Harry from barging in. When he asked Tom about it later he had said something about them discussing difficult decisions and that he didn't want to talk about it.

He threw up his hands. "Okay, I admit defeat. You're right, I don't know what it's like to have people you trust treat you badly." He paused and put his hands on his hips. "I still think you're a bit touchy when it comes to Tom." Again he paused. "You know what?" he asked.

"What?" B'Elanna asked.

"You and Tom aren't that different. You just handle things differently." He glanced at the chronometer on B'Elanna's console and by doing so he missed her glare. "I have to go. My shift starts soon." He looked back at her and smiled and started backing away to leave. "Talk to you later?"

B'Elanna managed to smile. "Sure." She watched him leave and then turned back to the console and stared at the wall behind it for a long moment. She turned to her work. Work was good because it kept her occupied. Right now work was a blessing.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Cathexis_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me, which it has the past weeks. A new cat and local festivities demanded too much time. Our favourite couple ends up in sickbay with no memories of being taken over by Chakotay, and of course they had a chat for a while the good Doctor was working.

* * *

><p>Tom looked up as the sickbay doors opened and his eyebrows climbed several millimetres when he saw the individual walking through the doors.<p>

"Doctor?" B'Elanna called out, ignoring the man on the biobed watching her step in to the room. She looked over at Chakotay's unconscious form at the far end of sickbay and stopped.

"I am right over here," the Doctor answered from his position next to a computer console. "Please state the nature of your emergency." He kept analysing something on the screen.

"I thought that was your greeting phrase when someone activated you," Tom mused out loud.

The Doctor turned around and walked up to B'Elanna without looking at Tom. "On the contrary Mr. Paris. It is a useful phrase in many situations. How can I help you Miss Torres?"

B'Elanna hesitated. "The captain wanted me to come here… Something happened down in engineering but I don't remember being responsible." She glanced at Tom who looked like he had been on that bed a while. It struck her as a bit odd. He was still the Doctor's stand in medic and worked in sickbay at times, but when he did, he didn't sit around like he did right now.

"Can you be more specific?" the Doctor asked and walked over to a tray where his scanner was and picked it up.

"I apparently shut down the warp core, but I have no memories of doing it," she responded and glanced in his direction.

The Doctor came up to her. "Ah," was all he said as he started scanning her. She again glanced over at Tom who had kept watching her. When the Doctor was finished he walked over to the console where he had been working when she had entered the room. "Please, take a seat on a biobed," he said as he continued to work. She turned and walked over to the bed next to where Tom was sitting.

"Why are you here?" she asked Tom as she sat on to the bed.

"I altered course without remembering it," he said flatly. "My DNA was all over the navigation control on deck 12, but I have no memory of changing course and locking out Harry."

B'Elanna's eyes widened. "I did the same thing. I also locked out the bridge when I shut down the core. Apparently."

Tom looked at B'Elanna with a frown on his face. "Doc, did you hear that?" he asked. The Doctor appeared next to him and almost startled them.

"I did." He looked at B'Elanna and then at Tom. "I'll need to look at your memory engrams and compare them to the logs. We might find something there." He turned and walked over to his small office.

B'Elanna followed him with her eyes. "I don't like this at all. You'd think I should remember shutting down a warp core," she said and turned her attention to Tom on the biobed next to her.

"No kidding," he responded sourly. "Having Tuvok staring me down for doing something I have no idea I did isn't too much fun."

B'Elanna smiled slightly. "The captain wasn't too happy with me either." An awkward silence fell and B'Elanna gazed over at Chakotay.

Tom decided to break the silence. "I haven't seen you in a while. Work keeping you occupied?" He tried to sound casual.

"We meet ever so often during staff meetings," B'Elanna retorted and kept her eyes on Chakotay.

Tom nodded and pursed his lips. He had seen this kind of evasive manoeuvres from B'Elanna before. "But not in the messhall or at Sandrine's," he said softly.

"I've been busy," B'Elanna rebuffed.

"We all are. It's a tight crew running this ship." He paused for a moment. "Neelix tells me you're taking your meals to your quarters," Tom pressed on.

B'Elanna turned her head back and glared at Tom. "Are you gossiping about me?"

Tom smiled slightly. "No, we're not. Neelix is always worried about people who start bringing their meals to their quarters. He brought it up with me and Harry yesterday."

"You. Harry. Why not Chakotay?" she asked in disbelief.

"Oh I'm sure he would have eventually. It's just that we tend to sit together quite often so he figured we knew if you needed to be cheered up." B'Elanna snorted and Tom crossed his arms and straightened his back. "Quite frankly, I share his worries," he continued.

"I don't need anyone to worry about me," she said coldly and looked away again.

"Hey," Tom said softly. "I don't want to pry. No one does. It's just that when someone changes we all notice."

"So you're saying we're all one big happy family who cares about each other?" she snapped and glared back at Tom.

"I care. Harry cares. Neelix cares. Chakotay cares. B'Elanna, there are many who cares and notice when something's wrong. It's not a bad thing." Tom tilted his head slightly and relaxed a bit. "You don't have to talk about it. Just…"

"Just what?" she interjected.

"Just accept that there are people who are there if you need them," he concluded. He almost wanted to bite his tongue. It had been two weeks since Seska left them and platitudes about trust surely wouldn't go down well with B'Elanna at the moment. Her glare told him he was right in that assessment.

"I can take care of myself," she said and looked over at Chakotay again. Tom followed her gaze and sighed.

"I know you can. That's not the issue here." He kept looking at the unconscious body. The one most suited to support the woman in front of him was brain dead according to the Doctor. It would be a terrible blow for B'Elanna if she lost him as well. As he looked back at B'Elanna he caught a glimpse of a stormy sea of emotion in her face before she willed back the defiant mask she usually wore when things were difficult.

"We'll fix this. Somehow we will. He'll be back," he said quietly.

She looked at him. "You don't know that," she said and her voice trembled slightly.

"No one ever knows. You just have to have faith and do what you can. The moment you think you can't do this, this won't work, we can't solve this, it's lost."

"I put up the medicine wheel for him…" she said slowly and looked back at Chakotay.

Tom didn't say anything, just watched her, wishing he was a person who could give her the hug she so desperately needed. He could coax many personal issues out of her, but he was not close enough to her for such things. He could be a friend she could talk to though, and a friend he would be, no matter how difficult this could become, he decided. It didn't look good.


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Faces_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. In this scene poor Durst has been marched off to his death and B'Elanna experiences what it's like to be without her Klingon genes.

* * *

><p>B'Elanna tried to speak but she couldn't. It was difficult to breathe, her thoughts were scrambling around without rhyme or reason and her heart threatened to jump out of her chest. This was a horrible experience and she didn't know what was happening or what to do about it. Even her vision was strange, as if she couldn't focus properly and keep a steady gaze. Through the strange noise she heard Tom's voice.<p>

"B'Elanna, what is it? Focus your eyes. Take it easy!"

She tried to focus and answer but all she could do was gasp for air, but it was as if something was blocking her trachea.

"Calm down. Focus on my voice. Slow your breathing or you'll faint. One, two, one, two, slow down, one, two…" Tom counted slowly and she tried to follow his lead. Slowly her head cleared and her breathing became easier. The noise lessened in her ears and she became aware of her surroundings. Tom was holding her wrists in a firm grip, looking intently at her while counting. When he noticed that she seemed to come around he released his grip and rose and sat down next to her on the bed while rubbing her back.

"Feeling better?" he asked calmly. She nodded and he continued, "Just keep on breathing steadily."

"What happened?" she whispered shakily and turned her head and looked at him with fear in her eyes.

"You panicked, I think," he answered and put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close and held her. To his surprise she didn't flinch or pull away. She had to be in quite a state to allow him to be this close.

"I'm feeling sick," she said weakly and laid her head on his shoulder.

"Adrenaline can have that effect," he pointed out and refrained from nuzzling her hair. The impulse to do so had come almost automatically. He gazed out in to the air and wondered from where this impulse came.

She sighed. "I didn't feel very well before this happened though. It just got worse when I couldn't breathe." She started shivering and Tom begun rubbing her back again.

"Maybe you should lie down for a while. It's easier to relax if you lie down and that might help with the nausea," he suggested. She nodded and he helped her to lie down and then sat on the edge of the bunk where she was now resting. He looked down at her with a thoughtful look on his face. Never had he seen such a reaction, or anything close to it, during the time he had known her. What ever they had done to her it had floored her completely. It was so unlike her to accept help and comfort and if that wasn't enough, she had without hesitation told him about her childhood. He had figured our a few things, but he'd had no idea her dad had left when she was a child. Her story had given an insight to so many things about her. He had guessed there was a conflict between her Klingon and human side and now he knew why.

"Feeling any better?" he asked quietly and placed his hand on her shoulder.

B'Elanna nodded carefully. "What do you think will happen to Durst?" she asked.

Tom clenched his teeth and glanced around the room quickly. This was not something he liked to think about and for some reason he didn't want to disclose what they had learned to B'Elanna. Not yet. "I'm not sure," was all he said. It wasn't a lie as such. He wasn't exactly sure, though he had a pretty good idea. B'Elanna looked miserable and tears were rolling down her temples as she watched his reaction to her question.

"He's going to die, isn't he?" she whispered. Tom nodded slowly and suddenly B'Elanna seemed to panic again. She struggled to sit up and cried, "We're all going to die! We're all going to end up like Peter!"

Tom grabbed her around her shoulders. "Calm down B'Elanna. We're going to get through this, I promise. There must be a way out of here and we'll figure it out together. If there's anyone who can, it's you. You're still a damn good engineer and you can use that to our advantage, but you must calm down. You're not alone here, B'Elanna. I'm here too." She stared at him still hyperventilating. "Breathe, like you did before. Take slow breaths." He breathed with her and she started to calm down. "There. Lie down again and rest some. It's some sort of a rest cycle right now and soon they'll march us out in to the tunnels to work for them." He helped her lie down again. "Try to sleep some. I'll keep watch, okay?" Tom smiled reassuringly and was rewarded with a bleak smile back from B'Elanna. He went over to his bunk and sat down on it propped up against the wall.

B'Elanna lay on her back looking up at the bunk above. She felt different. Everything was different, not just the way she looked. The emotions overpowering her were not the usual kind, the volatile side of her, but emotions she had never experienced with this intensity before. She knew fear, but she had never become overwhelmed and panicked before. They must have altered all of her, not just her looks. It wasn't just the inability to handle fear, but she didn't have that inner struggle any more either. There was no need for an inner debate because there were no conflicting emotions and ideas. Despite her fear she was oddly peaceful. It made her look at everything in a different way, even the people she knew.

She didn't dare glancing in Tom's direction in case he was watching her. If she hadn't felt this odd she wouldn't have felt the need to tell him about her childhood. Suddenly it hit her that she trusted him completely and she instantly turned her head and looked in his direction. He met her eyes and smiled slightly. She returned the smile and then turned back her head. In the back of her mind she remembered all her reasons for keeping him at arms length but it was like those reasons belonged to another person. Now they didn't seem that important. To this new B'Elanna it wasn't as important to deal with everything on her own. She admitted to herself that it had been a good feeling to let Tom close. It had calmed her and she had felt better about the situation. Her fear had lessened. He had reminded her that she still could function and be of use to them both, and it had been good to hear. Her Klingon side would never have allowed her to open up like she had or let him comfort and calm her. She hadn't needed it. Well, she wouldn't have allowed it at least.

Her eyelids started to become heavy and she closed them. As she drifted off to sleep she knew he would look after her and she felt good about that too.

Tom watched her fall asleep. It was clear the Vidiians had done something more than just taking away her ridged forehead. She was still B'Elanna but a significantly softer B'Elanna. Without hesitation she had let her guard down in a way she just wouldn't do otherwise and as much as he appreciated that, it was troubling. Her nausea could be because of the ordeal in general, but it could also be because they had tampered with her DNA and that could potentially be dangerous to her. They would have to get out of this prison. Somehow they'd find a way. She wouldn't end up the same way as Durst, he promised himself.


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Jetrel_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. This was a giant void concerning our favourite couple, so I decided to do what the Trek writers do when they have no sci fi ideas – bring out the holodeck.

* * *

><p>Tom stepped out of the turbolift and headed for the holodeck located on deck 14. Most of the time Sandrine's was running at the upper holodeck which meant that he took his work, private and professional, to holodeck 1 instead. Though he enjoyed his creation Sandrine's there was always room for more entertainment and he had been working on a program that he now wanted to test. He opened the program, drew a deep breath and stepped inside the room.<p>

B'Elanna took one last turn in engineering after her shift had ended before leaving and headed for the turbolift. She was not in the best of moods. The rumours about the scientist that had showed up reminded her of home far too much. It had brought up unpleasant memories she didn't want to think about simply because she couldn't do anything about it while 70 000 light years from home. She stepped in to the turbolift as it opened its doors.

"Deck 14," she ordered. It was a short hop, almost ridiculous, she thought to herself. Even sillier was the idea to not have a deck 13. Well, the deck was there but it was named 14, not 13. Human superstition. She stepped out of the lift and headed towards holodeck 1. As she arrived she noticed that a program was running, a program she was unfamiliar with. The most productive holodeck programmer on this ship was Tom and she suspected this was his latest creation, thought the name didn't give anything away. Her curiosity was peeked and she stepped inside as the doors opened. Her eyes widened in surprise.

Tom's head snapped up as he heard someone's voice. He turned from the engine in front of him and went out on the deck to try and locate the person who had called out.

"Hey Tom!" he heard and when he looked around he spotted B'Elanna. "What's this?" she asked and looked around her.

"It's a swamp!" he answered cheerfully and headed for the gangway to join her on the landing-stage.

"Well, I can see that it's a swamp. You just don't strike me as a swamp kind of person," she said with a smile and looked at the boat in front of her. It was a small rusty bayou steamboat with the deck barely above the waterline.

"Ah, yeah," he hummed and squinted up through the tree branches stretching over their heads. "No, I'm not. Years back I dug up an old computer game where the adventure was located in a swamp environment and I kind of liked it. It looked cool anyway. I must admit though that it's a bit hot, especially in the engine room," he said and drew his hand through his wet hair. B'Elanna looked around her before stepping on to the gangway.

"What kind of an engine is it?" she asked and walked up the gangway and on to the deck looking at the opening where Tom had emerged earlier.

Tom grinned and crossed his arms over his chest. "It's a steam engine."

B'Elanna turned around and looked at him in disbelief. "A steam engine? Why?" she blurted.

Tom almost bounded up the gangway. "Usually I'm keener on the combustion engine but it's pretty fascinating with these engines too. Especially since they lasted a lot longer in environments such as these than elsewhere."

"B'Elanna took another look around. "So you built a swamp program with a steamboat."

"I did. If you steer this boat out in to the swamp all sort of interesting things can happen. I'm still working on the program though. I figured some people around here would appreciate this." He looked around and then his gaze landed on B'Elanna. "I figured you would enjoy the climate anyway." He smiled at her.

"Well, I'll give you that. It would be a perfect day on Qo'noS." She walked along the deck looking at the surroundings.

"So what brought you down here then?" Tom asked watching B'Elanna's backside. She turned her head and glanced over her shoulder.

"I just wanted to… smash something. The pool table isn't enough to take my mind off from what's been going on around here lately."

"You can run your program if you want," Tom offered and walked up to where she had stopped. "I'm just testing this anyway."

She turned to face him. "No, I don't have a program. I just ask the computer to give me any kind of battle simulation and… throw myself in to it." She looked out at the water.

"Would you like one? I could help you…" he let the sentence hang in the air between them. She looked briefly up at him and then turned to face the water.

"I can program, Tom."

He laughed. "Oh, I know you can B'Elanna. You just don't take time to program a holodeck program. Me? I can't help it. I have plenty of time to toy with ideas while sitting idly at the conn." He paused and looked down at her. "Just say the word."

She threw him a look and a slight smile. "I'll think about it." She was quiet for a moment. "Can we take her out?" she asked.

"Sure. It won't be terribly exciting because the adventures aren't finished yet. There are no dragons to slay yet," he said with an apologetic voice.

"It's okay. Just taking a turn with the boat would be fine. I lost the urge to smash things up when I saw all of this," she answered.

Tom gave her his brightest smile and she wondered for the umpteenth time if he had any idea just how great that smile was. "Your wish is my command," he said in a servile manner. "Want to check out that engine?"

She laughed. "No, I leave that to you. I prefer warp cores and impulse engines."

Backing away while still grinning widely, he pointed at B'Elanna. "You! Pull in the gangway."

"Yessir!" She couldn't help grinning herself. Moments after she had pulled in the gangway a steam whistle was heard, the paddles begun moving and the boat started floating away from the shore. B'Elanna sat down on the deck at the rear though not too close to the paddles, and watched the shore slowly passing by. The sun was now shining on her back, and she decided that she really didn't need her jacket and uniform shirt for this excursion, so she took them off. While she was at it she took off her shoes and socks and folded her pants up over the knees and hung her legs over the edge, dipping her feet in the water. This was far better than smashing something – someone – to pieces.

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><p>The game I'm letting Paris refer to is Fallout 3. Anyone who has no idea what a bayou steamboat I'm referring to looks like, and in particular a Fallout one, can google fallout steamboat. FF won't let me give a link so you have to do the dirty work yourself. ;)<p> 


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: **All things Star Trek belong to CBS/Paramount. I only own my imagination.

**Spoilers:** _Learning Curve_. If you haven't seen it, this won't make much sense.

**Author's Note: **I have the ambition to keep these coming, but I also have a real life which can mess with me. Unusual for an episode, this one stretches over days, leaving plenty of gaps when people need to eat, sleep and go to the loo. This takes place after Chakotay used some Maquis persuasion techniques in the mess hall.

* * *

><p>Tom entered through the engine room doors balancing what looked like a take away, hot drinks and something to chew on. He walked through the room clearly looking for someone. Halfway through, he spotted what he was looking for and headed in that direction. When he reached the workstation he put down what he had in his hands and started distributing it.<p>

"Here you go; one Klingon coffee for you…" he put down a mug next to B'Elanna.

"It's called raktajino. Or the Neelix' version of it anyway," she said and smelled it while making a face.

"… and one coffee for you," he continued, ignoring B'Elanna's comment, while putting down a cup next to Harry. "Food… is something exotic. I have already forgotten what it's called." He put down the little containers close to their beverages, went over to an empty chair, picked it up and placed it by the console next to the items he hadn't handed out.

"There's nothing like a picnic," Harry said without enthusiasm after tasting the food.

"Well, you better get used to this. I mean the food. Replicators are out so we all have to rely on Neelix for sustenance," Tom answered cheerfully and took a sip of Neelix' special blend of coffee and looked down at it in disbelief.

"Anything wrong, Tom?" B'Elanna asked sweetly.

"What ever it is, it's not coffee," he muttered and put it down. B'Elanna and Harry snickered at his reaction. Silence reined for a moment while everyone was busy eating.

"I hear Tuvok is acting drill sergeant," Tom said when he put down his fork.

"He is," B'Elanna confirmed and picked up her raktajino and took a sip.

"And?" Tom asked raising his eyebrows looking intently at her.

"And what?" she replied.

"I hear rumours about Chakotay hitting people in the mess hall because of this training regimen, so what's going on?"

"Some of the so called cadets aren't too happy to be here in the first place and then appointing Tuvok as their instructor… He's not Mr. Popular among the old Maquis crew to begin with. It's not just tough because it's difficult to adjust, but also because Tuvok personifies many of the things most Maquis dislikes about Starfleet." B'Elanna paused and took another sip. "Chakotay reminded Dalby what the Maquis way can be if needed. Chakotay hasn't exactly made a habit out of punching people. Honestly, he's too much Starfleet for that. In the Maquis however, it's not uncommon that someone who is talking back is taught that silence is golden in a pretty rough manner. In Starfleet it won't happen. I guess they thought they could do as they pleased because f it." She paused again and looked down at the raktajino in front of her. "Physical persuasion isn't needed if people accept the rules and understand why the rules are there. I admit, I had difficulties with the rules in the Academy." She looked up with her trademark defiant expression well in place. "I can sympathise with their wish to rebel against the rules. But no matter how much I wish things were different it can't change the fact that we're all here, on a Starfleet vessel with Starfleet rules. We can't escape it." Silence fell over the three officers. B'Elanna glanced at Harry who looked down at the fork in his hand. She then looked over at Tom who seemed to gaze in to a void, deep in thought.

"It's easy to forget that we're still in many ways two crews working together because the circumstances forced us," Tom mused still gazing in to the air. "On the bridge I rarely see anyone from the Maquis, other than Chakotay and you," he said, turned his head and looked straight at B'Elanna and continued, "and I must admit that I don't think of you as Maquis. You're senior officers and you act like it." He went silent, still looking at B'Elanna but not really seeing her.

B'Elanna curved the corners of her mouth, leaned forward and waved in front of him. "Voyager to Paris," she said and Tom snapped back from his thoughts.

"I'm here! I was just thinking!" he exclaimed while Harry chuckled.

"You mean you're rearranging your thoughts," Harry said and earned himself an annoyed look from Tom.

"I'm trying to do my best to create a life here that I didn't have at home. It would have taken a long time to come to the point where I am now, had I not been thrown out here. I must admit though that I still don't see myself as Starfleet. It's been, what? Six months? I wonder when I'm going to feel completely at home here," Tom said and started eating again.

B'Elanna looked thoughtfully at him. "I think the only ones feeling like they belong in Starfleet are those who served on this ship when we got here," she said. "I don't see myself quite as a Starfleet officer either. If we were to find a way to go home tomorrow…" she went silent and stared in to Tom's eyes.

"I know," was all he said.

Harry looked at his two friends who seemed to communicate in riddles and who had forgotten about him sitting next to them. He also felt like three was a crowd right now. He was a slightly less fluorescently green ensign than he had been six months ago but even when he had been fresh from the academy he had felt like Starfleet. Nervous about his new assignment yes, but he hadn't even been considering the fact that he was Starfleet. He felt like he lacked so much experience sometimes when listening to Tom and B'Elanna. Tom was older so he should have more of that, but B'Elanna wasn't, yet she many times seemed to know a lot more about life out in space than he did. He wanted to go back home. They didn't. He realised their riddles were about that and that they had talked about this earlier during the months past.

"I don't think about it," Tom said and broke Harry's reverie. "We're here and that's what I focus on. The present is much more important than what ifs." B'Elanna nodded and looked down while Tom glanced at the chronometer on the workstation before resuming his eating. B'Elanna also picked up her fork and continued eating. Silence reined for several minutes.

Tom threw down his fork in to the almost empty container. "I sure hope you fix the problems with the gel packs because I can't imagine living on Neelix' food without treats from the replicators," he said.

"Don't we all," B'Elanna sighed. "Thanks for the food and the… raktajino," she said and rose from her seat. "I'm going to check on the recircuiting." She left the two men and walked through the engine room and out through the doors.

Tom leaned back in his chair and sighed. "Well, I'd better get back myself," he said and rose from the chair. "Talk to you later, okay?" Harry nodded and went back to his work. Tom gave him a long look. He would need to spend some time later with Harry, he decided. Harry had been quiet again, as he tended to become when he and B'Elanna were discussing their past. Some pool at Sandrine's would do just fine.


End file.
